fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
