So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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