It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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