the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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