You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
