you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
