Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
