Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
