I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
