Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
