he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
