ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
