It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
