OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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