dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
