It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
