You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
