is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
