new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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