I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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