No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
