So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
