Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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