im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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