sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drake has all the answers
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
