Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
