One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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