WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
