I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
