i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
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