clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
