i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
