Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
