Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
