Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My life is pants optional.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
