is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
