I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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