Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my poor anus
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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