i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
