The maid of honor just puked.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
