Your mouth is God's brothel.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
