I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
