I think i sorta joined a cult last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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