Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
