Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
