someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
