I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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