do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
