She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
