I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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