i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
